my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
