I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
