so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
