In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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