he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
