I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
