is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
