this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I am one with the molecules
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
