Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
