new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
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They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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