The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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