My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
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Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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