did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I pour the whiskey from now on
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
