I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
