Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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