??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
