Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
