I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
