Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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