do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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