I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
