it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
