I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
