Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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