Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
