Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
