I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
