I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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