Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
