This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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