i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
