member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
