I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize
