im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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