I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
