Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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