I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
