At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize