I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
