We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
