I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
