i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
