I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
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Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
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I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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