i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
