I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
