Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
