It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
