you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
