Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
