You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
