omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
