hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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