I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
