I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
