I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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