just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
