I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
