Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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