On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
