i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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