My room smells like vodka and shame
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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