i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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