The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
