you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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