So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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